May second two zero one five one AM
She's on breathing support last afternoon. Gasping for air. Her mouth opened bigger than usual. Now she's struggling breathing normally.
There were empty snacks packets in the room and I counted the sugar content.. should have mounting 61 teaspoons of sugar. Imagine this much of sugar intake for a patient like her in a week. Not to mention other sugar happened to be in other types of food taken. Those are the culprits of her condition.
ICU. Her sanctuary.
Ayah announced from her last ICU admission that after that there will be no more special treatment. He'll grant admission to government hospital only. But you know, the power love can break any promises. How can they as parents not giving the best for their children? Looking at them I really don't understand how can a human even have a heart to left their babies anywhere after having it in their wombs for certain months? Or raise the kids just to abuse them unthinkably? They aren't human. I know. They're masked devils, right?
Can't she think properly? Has she really loses her mind? Does she really really really wants to die? Are we that unimportant for her?
Everybody is still worries about her. Telling her everything to fight her conditions. But she chooses to follow just her heart. And worries us.
And now I have my own distress. I can't know how, or what to do. Turning to the ONE. Only Him. All I can do, was damping the mat I forehead.
For everything. My mind made me to stop clinging to bodies. And I hope my heart can do that to.
Am not happy. Whatever you can see me now is not the mirror of whatever is happening inside.
God, I, we love her. Please let her stay with us for a long while. But if it's for her best, then.. who am I to stop You?
La tahzan ya qalb. Innallahama'ana. I trust only You.