Thursday, October 30, 2014

just me

assalamualaikum.. 2245 30th october 2014
recently a friend of mine said that my blog posts are almost tweets or long tweets. i do think the same (since forever, actually). i am not good with words and i don't know how to express them beautifully. and somehow i found myself stopped being passionate about anything at times.
there are many times that i thought i wrote long enough; usually blabbering about recent happenings in my life and they are very interesting (for me) but they'll be accidentally erased because my smartphone became stupid or getting hang for a while and i will feel like smashing the phone to the wall which i won't in reality.
nowadays, i just stay at home; whichever house i have my stuff kept. doing house chores, decorating cakes and some sewing. i kind of like it. no more hectic life like the last two years. still living, still breathing. with less penny in my pockets. much lesser. spending more time with my loved ones; family, friends, books, hobbies. and i have more time to laze around and blogging. yes. i did write for money. and i'm thankful for that. thanks to my bloggerpemes friends who sometimes slotting me in to events and promotions; doing coverage of the happenings.
my lecturer messaged me via facebook messenger and makes me lost in a deep thought. she said that she's happy tengok hani maju. oh my madam...
 what i really want? am i faking it? the happiness or comfort i am in now? it is just so depressing. i have jotted down a few pros and cons being me now. the problems i am facing. what i picture myself to be in coming years. the yearnings. everything are in a big mess now. a really big mess.
and i remembered my mom scolded me for answering, "i want to be happy" when she asked me what i want to be.. a couple of years ago
am i suffering? don't i have any regrets?
Tak ada. Belum cukup berat lagi. :) alhamdulillah..


i'm happy the way i am..
there are thorns here and there..
but hey! you're in the middle of the flower garden..
with beauty.. comes along pain.. 
more love, more ache you'll gain

nothing is free in this world or in the hereafter 

edited 16.5.17

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